Aspiring Writer||Amateur Photographer||Seeker of Him||Avid Explorer of the Kingdom||instagram: rose.dud
She stared down at the growing belly beneath her rib cage, scrutinizing it, willing it to shrink. It would not listen. Amilia looked up, damp air filled her labored lungs: in through her cramped, wet nostrils, out with her rattling sobs. She was alone. But she was always alone. That brief moment of exhilaration had decimated the dangling hope of anything more than loneliness. A light, wet breeze ruffled her dress, pressing it softly against her fragile, curved frame; her skin was sticky with persperation and condensation. The sky was foreboding like a cruel cliché. Black, inky clouds like oil paint blotted a grey morning. The city below was just waking up. Amilia had been awake for hours. Elation and relief had filled her body just moments earlier, heat beginning at her center and radiating out to the fingertips, a lightness of chest in a decision finally decided.
In all of her incredibly uninteresting life, Amilia never once made an important decision. Her greatest achievement consisted of the straightest row of stitches sewn in her home economics class. But, the frivolity of her life had culminated into this single, thrilling and terrifying moment. In an instant, she had control. She held power in her tiny grasp, slender fingers with iron grip, triumphant in something to live for, something to die for.
It took merely a slip of her scuffed penny loafers. Amilia’s broken body, robbed of its single, most defining moment, laid in tatters on the asphalt below the arched roof she once hovered at. Her frame seemed to shrink instantly on the steaming, ebony tar. The heartbeat inside her womb fluttered for an instant, still unaware of the fate suffered by its mother. It was alone, a maternally hereditary trait.
To the friends I’ve lost and the people I’ve hurt, I love you. No matter where you are in life or what happened between us, I’ve forgiven us both. It takes two to destroy a friendship. The bridge must be burned from both ends. I take responsibility for the things I should have handled better. If we cannot mend the bridges, I accept my fate. I’m glad to have known you. You contributed to the person I am today. You added shards of glass to the mosaic of my life. Please know that love you… Even if you don’t love me.
We walk through the valley, shadows, and death
Eyes lifted to light on a mountain top
Follow the star
Diligent to the pull of salvation
We close our eyes
Exhaustion makes us forget
That there is a difference
Between shadow and eyelid
One is a journey
The other, death
Life sucks. I know it. I’ve lived it. There are moments when I ask myself, why am I here? What is the point of this misery?
Well, God gave me an answer.
As we walk down this path, winding roads intercepted by rivers and trees, we gather up and carry with us the good and the bad. The encouragers. The negative nellys. The bullies. The leaders. The best friends. Even the stranger and chance encounters. Each person is unique and contributes to who you are. Each is special. Some leave a bigger impact than others, but each is important to making you who you are. Every moment of your life builds upon the back of another, creating a mosaic of individuality. The bad hurts. Sometimes we wish it never existed, but in our flawed humanity, we could never truly appreciate peace without chaos. Love without hate. Happiness without sadness. Bravery without fear. Life without death. Until we sit beside our Father, we will never have a true understanding of everlasting life without the opposite in our midst. Each moment, good or bad, creates a special person. And, though you may feel that you are purposeless, you must remember your importance. If this doesn’t convince you of the value that comes with all experiences, try this on for size. With everything you do, you impact someone. Whether it be a smile at a stranger or a life long friendship, you create the mosaic of another. You touch millions of people every day. Though you may only reach one, that one will reach another. We are all connected like the delicate sinews of a web. Though the bonds seem ever so breakable, intricately sewn together, they maintain strength five times that of steel. Our experiences connect us to all of creation. Together, we are God’s children, each leaning into another for support. We are all equally necessary and important. We all serve a great purpose on this earth, and more importantly, in the Kingdom, “For the body does not consist of one member but of many.” (1 cor 12:14)
This is too much
That is absolutely disgusting!!!!!!! They are NOT baptist and they are NOT Christians! They are a cult and they need to be stopped somehow! How do they expect people to come to know Jesus Christ as their savior if they picket at funerals and say horrible things? That is not an example of how God wanted Christians to be. I am so embarrassed that they call themselves a baptist church and Christian when I am one myself…
Sometimes I think we can see God. You know how every once in a while, you see something so undeniably beautiful and you can’t explain how or why, but it’s like your eyes won’t peal themselves from the natural masterpiece before you? You want nothing more than to capture it and hold on to it forever, and you don’t know why. It could be a moment. Or a sunset. Or a finely etched cloud against an azure morning sky. I think, in those moments, we are given a glimpse of our Father. Maybe not literally, but somehow. We can’t explain because we cannot truly perceive that kind of majesty. It’s too incredible for words or comprehension. It’s a reminder of His glory. It’s not physically him. No, it’s like the steamy fog rising from the earth after a thirst quenching downpour. It’s not the literal rain. It didn’t give the parched grass it’s satisfaction. Rather, it is the resultant peace only He can provide. And maybe we can’t capture it. Maybe a photo cannot accurately depict God’s artwork, but in that moment, we are blessed with the chance to bask in His presence.
Sometimes I think God gives me snippets of what my future husband will be like. It makes my heart so happy that I want to cry. I can’t believe someday someone will love me like that… And I will love him back the same way. I’m okay with waiting. I can be a little impatient, but he’s gonna be so worth it.